Posts Tagged ‘happy’

Cava, Clean Glasses and Nothingness

August 24, 2017

Sal washed bar dishes  first in soap then a solution of water and
bleach that kills anything that could hurt you.  He then let them drip
dry and then took a towel and dried each glass until there was no hint
of finger prints or lipstick or anything.  June sat at the bar, leaning on her elbows.
“I’m amazed by the detail to each glass…”
“Worst thing is serving someone and then they hand it back to you
because of lipstick, or a hair or Rumchata that dried or something.
They not only don’t want to pay you but now they’re disgusted and want
to go.  They then go home and jump on Yelp to let the world know that
there was a pubic hair in their rum and Coke.  The bartender was
indifferent and nobody should ever go to that establishment for that
reason.  I try hard to take away that argument.  Want to hate the
world and complain like a coward?  It won’t be about dirty glasses.
You could go home and say that I have mercenary qualities and looked
bored and you might be right but you at least got a clean glass…”
“And I like that about you…  I’d like a Cava.  Not a little souvenir
split but the whole fucking bottle.  Bring me a flute because I am a
lady…  Right?
“But of course… You asked for Cava.  Did you know that in French if
you separate Cava into ca va, you’d be asking someone how it’s going.
So let’s try it…  Comment ca va?”
“It sucks today.  I went to a funeral of a friend who just died of
cancer and then found a dick pic on the computer and letters and
letters to a mutual friend related to an affair.  I have not divulged
that I snooped and that I have seen the evidence and my fiancé
continues to lie.  I asked him if he would take a lie detector test
and he said that the idea of putting him through such a harsh test
just shows that there is no trust between us…  What should I do?”
“Um…  Do you want to stay with him?”
“I don’t know…”
“That’s a tough one…  True story…  When I was a young man, a man who
knew me and played ice hockey against me, was courting my wife.  Guys
I played hockey with told me,  my eight year old son told me in a
round about way and I didn’t want to believe it.  Once I became a
believer, I caught the two of them together at his place.  I destroyed
the apartment and beat him thoroughly and then left before the cops
came.  Would I do that today?  No way…  I would just walk away.  Jail
time, stroke or a hard attack is not worth it if someone is not with
you, truly with you.  Embarassing him on Maury Povich or on an episode
of Cheaters will not change anything.  No charge for that advice.”
June drank two bottles of Cava and talked about plants, movies, her
children, her fiancé again and death.  After more than an hour, June
noticed a book on the bar and asked about it.  It was a French book
entitled, L’Être et le néant.  Sal didn’t really want to discuss the
book.  June pushed and so Sal took a breath, rubbed his bald head and
looked up at the ceiling.
“How do I put this… Hmmm.”
June always did the talking and Sal the listening.  Sal was caught
off guard.  Sal never let on how he viewed the political landscape and
whether he was for or against the president.  Jazz and ice hockey he
was happy to discuss but all else was never divulged.
“If I were to describe myself, it may come off as self-deception
about the human reality.  I could make myself falsely believe not to
be what I actually am.  Or  deny my freedom by becoming what you
perceive as a bartender.  This means that in being a bartender, I
might believe that my social role is equal to my human existence.
This book explains that an occupation, race or social class should not
define who you are.  I am a person and not a bartender…  I could
become anything.  You sell real estate but is that really you?”
“Fucking deep shit and in French no less.  And that’s interesting to you?”
“I’m interested to be aware while I doubt much of everything in life.
To know is to be and we need to be and know what we are…  There is a
lot I know and a lot I don’t know. I am and actually I don’t know why
I am.  Can I define what I know?  Can I define what I am and wish to
be? There are things I know that I know. There are known unknowns.
That is to say There are things that I now know I don’t know. But
there are also unknown unknowns. There are things I do not know I
don’t know… And so I read about it…  In French.  It’s all really
fucked up but it sounds not so bad in French… N’est ce pas?”
“I don’t think I will ever ask you another question, Sal.”

“I’m totally okay with that, June.  I’m a good listener.”



November 9, 2009

“Folks gather round to hear what I’ve got to say. Come see what I have here today. Are you lonely, scared or tired? Are you frustrated, bound up and wired? Does life lack that zing? Well then I got just the thing… You say you want to be more attractive, well loved and more active? In this here little pill is everything you’ll need to fulfill a fruitful life. You’ll be able to work happy and satisfy the wife. Never tire, never worry, never panic and never hurry never prune up and wrinkle and yet retain that youthful glow… Pop one pill and watch yourself grow. Grow when you’re not moved, enticed or aroused, amorous, romantic and how? How you ask is it possible to stimulate the blood, motivate the mind, open up your pores and bring sight to the blind? It’s easier to try then for me to say, I offer you a sample for you to try today.”
“You say you’re too fat, too skinny, too tall or too mini. Your boring, breath smells and your feet are itchy, you’re too poor, too stressed and the missus is bitchie. Your muscles small, stomach flabby, teeth crooked and the kids are crabby. Slow mind, slow witted, complexion ruddy, puss filled and pitted. You lack zest, vitality and spunk, watched your waist grow as your pants shrunk. Graying falling, thinning hair grows on your ass, your back and in your ears. Your eyes have trouble seeing, your mind has trouble with memory, its difficult peeing and this is why you’ve sent for me. To be happy, to be glad, to be strong and not sad. To be faster, to be wise, to look fit and eat fries, to learn a language without trying, to act concerned without crying. Stop the aging, lines and sagging, warts and moles and things you’re lacking. You say you hear voices in your head yet nobody hears what is said. You desire little boys and little girls or German men with blond curls. Preoccupied with filth and smut and prone to stick little articles in your butt. A need for women’s undergarments made of lace and desire to spew on someone else’s face. Find it runs counter to the 23rd Psalm, a sweaty crack, arm pits and palm. Find you manufacture zits, ear wax and snots, smelly privates and bloody clots. You fear a change of pace, afraid to move and breathe and taste. You eat poorly, wheeze and feel pain a little jealousy and disdain. You lack the vision, verve and drive and are coming apart inside. One little pill can change your life.”
“For most this product works and I say for most this product is successful. If you feel dizzy, clumsy or drowsy, light headed trembling or weak. If your urine turns dark yellow, hard to breathe, swallow, concentrate or think or haven’t slept in a week… You may want to stop taking… If you find yourself waking, if you get a rash, itchy or act brash. Personality disorientation, mood swings or constipation, fainting, falling or hallucinations, a painful erection, red complexion, restlessness or irritation. Tightness in the chest, sensitive teeth, eyes or breasts. Ringing in your ears, runny nose or constant tears. Please don’t drive around in cars, smoke, snort, inject and visit bars. For any signs of adversity, complexity or deformity, lack of interest, sleep or conformity please consult a doctor of psychiatry before convalescing, resting or infirmary… Now here’s what you need to order