Posts Tagged ‘homophobia’

10 Things Men Should Not Say or Ask Gay Men Now That We Are All Open Minded

July 16, 2015
  1. Okay…  That’s cool…  So are you the catcher or pitcher?  Are you the dude?  Who decides who is what?  Is he taking your name or are you taking his?  What will your kids call you?  Mom, momma, mum, mimzie, mother- Father, dad, dada, daddy, daddio, pops, poppa… or Ed?
  2. That’s cool…  Um so you probably get a lot of ass.  No menstruation issues, monthly hormonal mood swings.  Dealing with other guys who have a lot of desire too, right?  Wait, if you’re the woman’s role you probably…
  3. Do you know Jimm from my office?  He likes hanging out at Euro bars that are really dark where people piss in any bathroom available.  Goth looking angry lesbians with Dutch boy haircuts and weirdo dudes dancing around to shit with no beat like their having a seizure.  You must like those sort of places too right?
  4. You’re gay- help me with this shit.  I have no idea what to buy a woman who already buys herself everything she wants.  Also, what would you want to do if someone were taking you out for your birthday?
  5. So back up- how do you know you’re gay for sure?  I hate Sushi but I’ve never eaten fucking seaweed around rice and raw fish with parasites in it.  I’m guessing it tastes like shit.  I’ve never tasted shit but I imagine it to taste like it smells.  Anyway- is there a test for gayness sort of like Ceiliacs?  Maybe you don’t need to be gluten free…  You get what I’m saying.
  6. So do you check out all the dudes at the gym?  Are you like anxious to get to the shower?  Can you tell who is gay at the gym?  Is it like the Masonic lodge?  You give each other a signal and if that’s not enough, you ask the other guy, “so have you ever been to Stockholm?”
  7. Every time I see an outdoor art fair, there is inevitably an old dude who looks like Ernest Hemingway with a young buck who looks a Jamaican sprinter?  How does that happen?  Other than having an old rich dude to buy meals and help pay the rent, what would and old wrinkly, hairy, saggy balls looking dude have that would interest a young black guy other than money?
  8. Wait a minute- you know too much shit about ice hockey to be gay.  I can see you liking football players in tight pants, baseball players adjusting their shit before batting, basketball players showing off their guns, soccer player’s nice legs but hockey?  They’re all covered up in equipment.  Maybe you’re not gay.
  9. Do you occasionally wear women’s clothes under your suits?  Come on, you can tell me.  French maid shit at home while you jam a cucumber up your man’s bum…  You can tell me.  My girl is allowed a pinky and I can tell when she slips me the thumb.
  10. So does this automatically make you a Democrat?  You know like minorities would be dumb to vote Republican just so that they get deported or racially profiled.  Like women losing their rights to vote, work and have an abortion if they just had a really bad night…  You guys have it just like blacks and women…  End of slavery, get the vote, lose the vote, get it back again 100 years later and then you got women- get to vote, get to work, get to have abortions…  You people don’t know how good you got it.  20 years ago, you would have gotten your ass kicked for wanting to marry a man…  You want another beer?

No AIDS in My Ass

December 1, 2009

Trina stood out in front consoling her brother as he cried. All of Terri’s medicine
as well as all of his belongings, got burned or melted in the fire. Luckily for Terri, he still had his cell phone and so he still had access to people he needed to reach.
Trina’s husband sat in his car listening to the White Sox/Cubs game on the radio. Rock had a six month old Chrysler 300, jet black with tan leather streets and booming bass system. Trina’s husband went by the name of Rock even though it was actually
William. As a boy, he thought Willy or Billy or William, was not tough enough. William’s uncle felt his muscle one day at a family get together and exclaimed in jest that he was as hard as a rock.
Rock was a slight built black man of about thirty five years of age. He dressed extremely flashy. In fact that night, he wore a burned orange colored suit with a wide brimmed hat. It was card night for Rock and his compadres. The official word was that they were playing cards at the home of one in a circle or friends. Truth was that they met and went to dance clubs around the south side. Trina called Rock to help her with an emergency. Rock looked a bit over dressed to play cards.
“All y’all git all dressed up to play cards? That don’t make no sense, William.” Said Trina, as Rock drove slowly on the far right lane of the 94 interstate, west which in Chicago is actually north. It is very confusing if you’re not from Chicago. It really is Lake Michigan’s fault that the interstate through Chicago has to run north and south even though it is an east west highway.
“You going to make money, you got to look like money, suggah… Cain’t be looking like no janitor if you want to make money…”
“It ain’t working, baby. You ain’t once come home with mo than you left with…”
“That ain’t right… I won plenty of money. I just put it right there in the tank or I pack it away for our vacation.”
A man by the name of Nigel, who was born in Freeport, Bahamas, went to the same church as Trina and Rock. Nigel had a deep baritone voice and an accent. The women all thought Nigel was so handsome and uncommonly polite. The men all hated
him. Nigel stood a good four inches taller than Rock who was a hair short of his wife’s height. If she poofed her hair or wore heels, Rock was shorter. He took to wearing lifts in his shoes. That usually put them at the same height. Rock had a few lonely women that he alternated visiting. They all suspected him of being married and he lied to them. After their second child, Rock willingly got a vasectomy. Now Rock has no worries as he makes his rounds.
Several times, things got heated between Nigel and Trina but they both refrained. While making love to her husband, Trina would close her eyes and imagine that Rock was Nigel. Trina cheated in her mind and heart and Rock just cheated. They were not
alone. Most of the people that they went to church with, all were guilty of similar crimes. They all married and became disenchanted or bored. Having variety gave them all hope that there was something better for them over the hill, around the corner. It was all just an illusion. Everyone was similar in their attributes and deficiencies. No matter how much they attended Sunday church, very few sought to improve who they were when nobody but god was looking. It really is a pervasive problem.
Now Rock had been talking to a young lady with several of her friends at a club called Les Chateau. The man who named the club knew that anything French sounding, attracted patrons. What he did not know was that Les in French was plural and Chateau was singular. It did not matter because except for a few Haitians that visited the club, nobody knew or cared. The Haitians thought it was very funny.
Rocks cell phone had been on vibrate and when Trina called, their picture of themselves from their honeymoon popped up. They went to Las Vegas for three days
and got to see Bootsie Collins while they were there. They had a really good time. Rock stepped outside to take the call.
“A fire!? He done burned his own crib down? Sh… Damn. Aight then… I be right home.” Said Rock, as he stood in front of Les Chateau.
Rock had a fear of homosexuals ever since he first heard that there was a particular disease that killed gay Haitian men. Several months later he heard the news that it effected all gay men. About a year after that, it was reported that all people could get the disease but that it was pervasive among homosexuals and those that used needles to usher drugs into their systems. Rock almost hated homosexuals aside from being disgusted with them. When he found out that his own cousin whom her grew up with and had been good friends with as a child, had been beaten up in a park for offering to have sex with another man, Rock wanted no more to do with his own cousin. Mostly it had to do with the fact that he thought he may catch AIDS like one catches a cold. With that being said, Rock was disgusted and fearful of his own brother in law, Terri.
The plan was to take Terri back to Trina’s home on the south side of the city until Terri could find a place to live. Rock had lined the back seat of his car with plastic unbeknownst to Trina. Terri opened up the back door to Rock’s car and began to laugh and cry at the same time. Upon seeing the plastic, Trina was angry, embarrassed and horrified that Rock would treat her brother like this. Rock came up with a plausible excuse.
“Naw it ain’t all like that. The kids be eating food and all in my ride and I got three years to pay on the note. I like to keep my stuff clean… See what I’m saying. You don’t treat yo shit with respect, who gone do it? Ain’t got nothing t’do with the fact you homosexual. I respect you as an individual and one that god love and all. You family and all and we aiming to help y’all out til they git they act together and all… You welcome to stay up in our crib til they sort all this out.”
Rock used plastic plates, forks and cups that he kept in a locked closet for all his food. Rock developed a means of defacating without actually sitting on the toilet and would not eat anything from the refridgerator that wasn’t sealed. Rock had a genuine fear that he would contract HIV. Rock did not quite understand what might come of the disease other than certain death. Rock was more worried about the stigma attached to having AIDS. His community knew he was not a drug user and the in fact saw him as a religious man who had settled down to raise a family. Rock was minority in his neighborhood. He lived with a woman who was his wife and they had children that were completely theirs. That was to say there were no step parents or step siblings.
Rock took to going out to Les Chateau more and more just to keep from being at home. Terri was very good with their young children. They watched Disney movies and sang all the songs together while watching the movies. It all worked out in the end but for six weeks, Rock felt strange coming home and felt uncomfortable staying. Rock could not bring himself to sit on the same toilet seat as his brother-in-law and took to hovering above the seat while holding his knees. Aside from linens and towels, the toilet seat was immediately changed upon Terri’s Departure. When Trina caught Rock changing the seat, he only could think of the truth at that moment.
“Don’t want no AIDS in my ass…”