Posts Tagged ‘Viagra’

When Terry Met Terrance or Death by Viagra

July 14, 2014

“Is this a sick joke? Did you do this on purpose? Take this away from here this instant! This cannot stay in our cell another moment!”
Terrance never really knew the details of his cellmate and fiancé’s offenses. Terry shared a cell with Terrance at Statesville prison in the state of Illinois, in United States. Terrance, a large man among men, was what slave owners and NFL football owners alike looked for in a man. Terrance was wrongly accused of killing a police officer on the south side of Chicago. Terrance has served five years and he will eventually be exonerated but things such as murder and wrongful conviction take some time to sort out. You understand.
Terry arrived a little over two years ago and became not only a cellmate of Terrance, but also his girlfriend and fiancé. Terry spends a lot of time trying to get a judge to marry him to Terrance. The prison officials have told him repeatedly that such a thing in prison is not possible. Terry has written to the governor several times and the governor has read the letters and thought to himself; why not? A Democratic governor running against a well to-do Republican challenger, does not need to hand cannon fodder to his opponent and so the idea of a marriage between men in prison will have to be entertained after the election. You understand.
Terrance knew that Terry was responsible for killing a rich elderly man by forcing him to swallow three Viagra pills at gun point while having his 25 year old girlfriend ride him until he had a heart attack. What Terrance wasn’t aware of was that the rich elderly man, made a fortune making fur coats. Mink to be exact. Terry could not wrap his head around people killing such cute little animals for coats and coats for rich people to be more precise. Terry worked hard to be hired to cook for the rich elderly man in his home and when the time was right, Terry chose death by Viagra.
“Fucking swallow all three pills, you goddamn killer… All three or I’ll blow your fucking head off, so help me!”
Before long, the elderly man was as stiff as a board. At that time, Terry ordered the young gold digging girlfriend to mount the old man in a reverse cowboy so that she would have to face Terry with a cocked revolver. Within an hour, the mink killer had passed. And so it goes.
Terrance being a black man had always wanted a white woman. He never quite got around to finding one to his liking. Terrance was not willing to settle for an obese, slovenly white chick with a bad dye job. With the prospect of being in prison for the rest of his life, the idea of being with an attractive white male who was effeminate and truly a woman trapped in a man’s skin was not so bad. Terrance never fancied men but over time, the idea was not repulsive to him.
Like any couple, Terrance and Terry had their problems and differences. Terry was overly interested in the lives of the Kardashians and liked gardening while Terrance liked watching violent movies and MMA and boxing matches. Terry liked to be kissed and caressed before penetration and Terrance wasn’t much for foreplay. Terry would lay in Terrance’s arms after love making and eventually doze off to the sound of Terrance snoring in his ear. When you take away the differences, Terry loved that Terrance was strong and protective and Terrance liked Terry’s feminine tendencies and delicate manner except for when Terry would get angry.
“Look… You my baby and I got to take care of you. When I was on the outside, buying a fur for the one you love was a good thing. I know you cold most the time and I thought that having a fur, a good and expensive article of motherfucking clothing, would be something good. You don’t want it, then don’t wear it. I’ll git my money back. You an ungrateful bitch. You never went without ya whole life and so when you git something nice and good, you don’t give a shit.”
Terry was shaking and crying and trying to think of what he would say in response. It was obvious that Terrance was not understanding the evil in killing a harmless little animal for prestige.
“You could have given me anything else for an anniversary present and I would have loved it but this is a spit in my face… You are either stupid or insensitive but either way, you are oblivious to my feelings and that hurts more.”
Terrance lifted weights later that day, hurt and angry while Terry weeded in his garden. At meals, they ate separate and went to bed in separate beds quiet and angry at one another. Terrance couldn’t sleep that night. He tossed and turned and thought about apologizing several times but couldn’t bring himself to do it for hours. Terrance didn’t believe he intentionally did anything wrong but knew that the only way out of it was to kiss ass. At 1:07am, Terrance whispered to Terry.
“I apologize for whatever you think I did wrong…”
That did not go over very well. You understand.

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Delerium at 36,000 Feet

March 29, 2012

Terrance had been a pilot in Vietnam and then commercially for Eastern and Pan-Am and a slew of other airlines before they went under. Terrance had a strong libido for a man in his sixties. The Asian route was his favorite because he could hit the boat cruises with underage waifs where they would drink and tryout their broken English on him and then they’d consummate the meeting on a mattress somewhere behind curtains.

Marriage had been one of those things that just seemed wrong one day to Terrance upon watching an animal show late one night with a glass of Scotch in his hand. The male animals disappeared for most of the year except when it became time to mate. When it was time to mate, a new mate or any mate was acceptable. The male species would clear it’s head and then take off to do what guys do when they’re together. Terrance thought to himself while almost fully crocked that humans had it all wrong. After watching the animal program, he woke his wife and told her that the most natural and correct thing for him to do was to spread his seed anywhere and everywhere and if she wanted to remain his wife, that would be alright. It wasn’t alright and they soon parted. Terrance couldn’t have been happier. The thrill of falling in love for an evening is what Terrance loved most about life. The variation and selection of different sizes and colors of the women. Hi, my name is Terrance and I fly airplanes… Can I buy you a drink?

Out of the blue, Terrance developed high blood pressure. Terrance’s parents had high blood pressure and it was a matter of time before he would also. At the age of sixty two, Terrance began taking high blood pressure medication and then promptly stopped when he realized that it prevented him from gaining and maintaining an erection. Before long, the high blood pressure killed off his kidneys to do their work. Terrance had to begin dialysis which meant he would have to retire from work. Alcohol and a mixture of several medications had a strange effect on Terrance. He constantly felt as though he was forgetting something and found himself often sitting motionless or hunting for things that he did not even know what it was that he was looking for. Sort of rummaging for the sake of rummaging in a sock drawer and then getting lost re-reading old love letters from women that he dated for a short period of time. All those that worked with Terrance knew that the end of his working days were drawing near but nobody realized that something seemed to be off mentally until one sunny day. When the clouds rolled in.

“Whatever happened to wooden coffee stirs? If I wanted a fucking plastic one, I would have dipped my pen in and just stirred the creamer with that. Do you have any idea, Mr… What’s your name?”
“Thomas. It’s Rich…”
“Rich… short for Richard. I remember when men could call themselves Dick without batting an eye. Things were happy and gay and it had nothing to do with wanting to corn hole another man. Things have gotten so dirty and twisted over the years. We can’t blame it all on Hippies and Nixon, can we? I mean something happened somewhere that sent a message to men that it was okay to wear frayed jeans and have their goddamn gut sticking out. Someone sent a message to you young guys that it is okay to dress like pigs and let yourself go. One way or another, you’ll still get ass and you don’t need to look or act like a gentleman. Just take a look at these people, Dick. We are on a plane going to a major city in the United States. Where did the glamour go in travel? Women in smart pill box hats and a matching ensemble that hugged her ass just so, so that you had to use your imagination about what you might find under that knee length skirt. A man in a suit, a man with a hat. Now it’s ball caps all over this goddamn plane. Who the hell here is playing ball right now? I don’t give a fuck if you want Ohio State to win some basketball tournament. That is no reason to parade around like a school boy when you’re middle age… Is any of this reaching you, Richard? Wooden coffee stirs is just part of the issue here. You want to save a tree so you make plastic coffee stirs just to release toxins into your coffee. It isn’t enough that some sick cow is being jacked up with steroids and antibiotics so that it can produce enough milk, cheese and beef to feed the masses of people living in this goddamn land. Is it any wonder women today have more facial hair than they used to and young men need something to support their tits? How is that eight year girls have hips and boobs? Not enough people are worried about what is really going on here. You got a job to do and I don’t want to tie you up. I will have my coffee after you find me a goddamn wooden coffee stir and then we will make it San Diego without incident.”

Rich hunted around and even asked passengers if by chance they might have purchased a coffee in the airport and happened to have a wooden coffee stir. The announcement made passengers uneasy. Richard’s effeminate voice quavered and cracked as he spoke due more to the fact that he was getting over a cold. People began to wonder what kind of a strange question was that to ask. A large hum rose in the plane. Terrance told his co-pilot to take over as he opened the cockpit door and stormed towards the passengers like an angry parent.
“I don’t know what is going on here but I can tell you that if anyone has any strange notions about overtaking this plane for any sort of reason or belief, I can tell you that you will meet your maker sooner than later. I’ve been closer to death than this on a random Tuesday so I will tell you calmly now to pipe down and sleep, read a magazine or re-read your text messages and don’t make things hard for yourself or Dick here. His job is to make your trip as facile as possible… Do we have an understanding, people?”
Terrance suddenly felt flush and he could feel his pulse in his eyes. He plopped himself back down in his chair, looked at his co-pilot and calmly told him that they needed to go back. The co-pilot asked Terrance to elaborate on where they were going back to and for what.
“Joe, you never served. Your generation only served themselves. If I say we have to go back, it is because it is the right thing to do between one human being and another. You wouldn’t want to be left in the lurch would you, Joe? You probably threw a fit when your mother wasn’t waiting in the minivan for you when soccer practice was over. You cannot appreciate waiting. Try to step outside yourself for a second, Joe and you’ll understand where I’m coming from…”
Terrance grabbed the microphone, flipped the switches and made an announcement to all the passengers. Terrance sounded sane and scripted accept for what it was that was coming out of his mouth.
“Attention, this is the captain speaking. We are cruising at an altitude of 36,000 feet and have a strong enough tail wind to get us to Saigon early. Sit back and relax and we should be arriving in Vietnam ahead of schedule. I have taken off the fasten seat belt sign. Be sure to keep your belt on incase of any unexpected turbulence while seated.”
There were several doctors that evaluated Terrance including psychiatrists and the FBI. Everyone came to the same conclusion that the perfect storm occurred within Terrance’s body to create a delirium capable of making the frightening situation what it was for passengers and the crew: High blood pressure medication, Scotch and Viagra.

Viagra 73% Off

November 16, 2009

Now Steven was worried about pleasing his younger wife. She had told him matter of fact like one night that she loved to have sex for hours, several times a night. Steven had gone to the junk box on his computer and opened up the spam that advertised Viagra for 73% below the market value. Steven loved a deal and so he purchased the drug on line from a distributor in a small town in Alberta up in the plains section of Canada. This distributor was able to get the drug from the Canadian Government for next to nothing. He worked in a hospital where they dispensed drugs. The government paid him a meager $25,000.00 a year salary. By borrowing the drug, he could make over four times that amount. This particular man had bank accounts set up in Barbados under his children’s names. He withdrew all his money one day from the Royal Bank of Canada when the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, nabbed drug dealers in British Columbia. The drug dealers were caught with millions in Scotia Bank accounts. One night while eating dinner with his family and watching the national news on CBC, this particular Viagra dealer got to his RBC and wired the money to Barbados. He had always wanted to go to Barbados, now he had a good reason. His money was there.
To be fair, we shall not name for fear that the RCMP might pick him up in Alberta. He posted the sale of Viagra on the web at a savings of 73%. Steven was not aware that he was only saving about 20% and so he bought the little blue pills on line. He initially took just a half a pill as was suggested and found that his member hung to the left as if it were asleep. Steven took the rest of the pill. It was within an hour that he broke out into body sweats and felt a surge of heat run through his body. Steven could feel his heart beating in his eyes. The veins on his neck bulged and he got an erection that was so hard that it hurt him. It throbbed so. Steven’s younger wife had no idea. What she believed was that Steven was inspired by her. Steven was good for two or three rounds. His biggest fear was that he might get a heart attack or a stroke from the drug.
Cynthia tried so hard to appear as though she was really in love with her husband. What she was really in love with were all his assets. By law, she was half owner in all that he owned. Within ten years, Cynthia would be as they say, fucking him to the tune of five million dollars, a house, a condo, two cars and monthly maintenance.
Cynthia’s people had hit the proverbial jack pot some years back. It was determined that Cynthia’s mother was part of the Luiseno Indian tribe. One day her mother received a letter from the chief of the Luiseno Indians that she would be getting $200,000.00 a year for being one of a select few that were really and truly from the Luiseno Tribe. It was great while it lasted.
The Luisenos arrived from Asia over 2,500 year ago and settled just south of Palm Springs. They were hunters and gatherers. The Spanish and small pox did them in. Today there are about 40 native speakers of the language left. Cynthia’s mother got money until the day she died. Cynthia had her mother in a nursing home in Hemet, California for years while she collected the money. Upon her mother’s death, it was determined by the tribe leader that Cynthia could no longer receive the money on her mother’s behalf since she had been adopted. Cynthia had no idea that she had been adopted until her mother’s death. A private detective hired by the tribe was conclusively able to prove that Cynthia was born of Scottish and Swedish extraction and was there by not a Luiseno. The well had run dry.
Now Cynthia’s mother had been told as a child, that their grandfather had been a full blooded Luiseno Indian that had moved near Los Angeles and married a white woman. Their children married other whites until the Indian look was white washed away. Due to the fact that Cynthia’s mother was of direct Luiseno lineage, she was entitled to a share of the profits that came in from the food mart, RV resort and the Pechanga Resort and Casino. It is a four diamond resort with 522 rooms and suites designed in a style hailing back to Frank Lloyd Wright. Mr. Wright was from Illinois but was no Indian. Golf, gambling, boxing, swimming and even comedy can be found on the grounds of the Pechanga Resort and Casino. Cynthia’s mother received a cut of the proceeds for having Luiseno blood. Upon the death of her mother, Cynthia needed to find a way to retain the style of life that she had grown accustomed to. Into her life entered Steven Swartz. Cynthia help founded a new tribe. No casino but plenty of proceeds and benefits